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00:00:01,580 --> 00:00:06,000
Laura doesn't want to sit twiddling her
thumb until her grandkids arrive. She

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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,160
wants adventure.

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00:00:07,760 --> 00:00:08,780
She got tattoos.

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00:00:09,680 --> 00:00:13,820
Being pregnant put me on the back, but
this boss bitch is back.

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00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,080
Hello, darling!

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00:00:15,980 --> 00:00:16,980
Go on, darling.

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All I've made is this.

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We are the Vonnie Scott School of Dance.

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I haven't felt that way about work since
I was in the West End. That is so nice.

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And totally hammered in the cafe.

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Kind of spoiled it.

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has become gentrified.

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Preach, sister.

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My only hope of getting a fright at the
cinema these days is when Kenneth

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Branagh attempts an accent.

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00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:51,340
Well, your husband has made you the most
exquisite breakfast.

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Perfect. Some sustenance before my
performative etiquette today. I'm having

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very fancy, elegant, day -drinky party
with some dance mums and a very special

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00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:05,720
VIP. Vincent Scott MD.

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I said VIP, not FUD.

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Touché. Margie Grant is coming.

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Self -made businesswoman, pacemaker and
champion of the arts. And if I play my

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cards right, patron of the Bonnie Scott
School of Dance.

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OK, well, I've booked that baldy
saxophone guy.

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Everybody loves him. No, wrong vibe.
There's prestige attached to Margie's

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OK, well, I've booked the most amazing
DJ.

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No, think Ladies Who Lunch.

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Margie's patron would mean that the
world is beginning to take notice of

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I'm doing up here.

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Yeah. What about that sexy wee statue
lassie who stands still oddy? No.

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This can't be one of our debauched
parties.

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00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:55,960
For this woman, it's Pim Nibbles Genteel
Elegant.

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00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:59,760
There would be a real quote in the
jewellery box if she decided that the

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wasn't worth her time.

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You know, I'm actually looking forward
to an exchange of ideas with a business

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operator on my level, you know? Don't
you dare.

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Margie Grant is not your peer.

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Um,

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we're peery.

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There's definitely a certain peerishness
about us. She's a Moscow ballet.

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You are a half -arsed macarena at a
double -grazing salesman's fourth

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Wow. No offence.

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I love you.

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Do not embarrass me.

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00:02:44,730 --> 00:02:47,910
I cannae take another baby birthday
party to Adam.

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Ah, remember we've got baby sensory
first.

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I know, rolling about the ground,
listening to horrific music, where some

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permanently happy bastard shines lights
on your face.

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Says the lassie who never missed one tea
in the park.

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I'm an amazing mother.

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Everybody says it all the time.

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Not one person has ever said it. But I
would need an epidural in the heat to

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through the wee baby classes.

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These things are good for free.

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I know, but they're so boring.

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I'll just take it myself.

57
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Well, then I feel guilty.

58
00:03:19,580 --> 00:03:21,320
Can we not do something else nice with
you?

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We could go for a walk, show us this wee
ball of magic we made, then baby

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sensory. Baby sensory?

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Mammy lobotomy may I like.

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The esteemed Margie Grant has arrived.

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Now I just need to sell myself as a big,
false, fakey schmooze ball.

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Well, kids need challenge, and mine
understand that our shows must be

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Oh, absolutely. I very much believe in
quality as a business model.

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Quality as a business model?

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That's my kind of people.

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I have high expectations of myself.

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I must teach. I must lead.

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I must keep a limit on the drinking.

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Why on earth would I bring up drinking?

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Well, I'll allow myself a small glass at
the weekend.

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I mean, why the blooming heck not, for
flip's sake.

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I like my parties to end up looking like
a bullfight in a Cirque du Soleil

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dressing room.

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00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,340
But that Vonnie Scott must stay locked
away.

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I have a little drinky here for a woman
who owns a yacht.

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Not you.

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Not you.

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00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:34,860
Not you.

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00:04:35,380 --> 00:04:37,360
Definitely not you, Margie.

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00:04:38,420 --> 00:04:42,360
Did you know that you are actually my
nemesis? How come?

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00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:47,800
Well, your make -up products are so damn
good that nobody ever has to come and

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00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:48,479
see me.

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00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:53,940
But the real magic happens when your
lipstick lands on a pair of Vincent

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enhanced lips.

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Oh, it's like an angel making love to a
unicorn. Which technically isn't

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00:05:00,540 --> 00:05:02,860
bestiality, by the way, because they're
both mythological... Hiya!

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00:05:03,460 --> 00:05:04,560
Thank God, Laura.

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00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:06,280
A safe space on legs.

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00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:10,320
The gentle warmth that counteracts my
glacial magnificence.

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00:05:10,570 --> 00:05:14,610
I've been thinking of doing some party
catering, so Vonnie asked me to do some

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fancy bakes for her fancy do.

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Hey. Christ.

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00:05:18,790 --> 00:05:20,090
Oh, Big Broseph's here.

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00:05:20,310 --> 00:05:21,610
Hey. Do people like the cake?

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00:05:21,950 --> 00:05:24,510
Laura, this isn't really a Henry sort of
affair.

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00:05:24,890 --> 00:05:26,670
Sorry, he just sort of invited himself.

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00:05:27,290 --> 00:05:29,430
Somebody I want you to meet. Come on,
come on, come here.

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00:05:29,990 --> 00:05:32,870
Margie, this is my wee brother, Henry.
Sit down.

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00:05:33,270 --> 00:05:34,730
Henry, Margie Grant.

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00:05:35,170 --> 00:05:36,930
I'm his big brother. Nice to meet you,
Henry.

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00:05:37,950 --> 00:05:39,810
Henry's a bit of a business newbie.

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No like us who have nothing to learn. I
think if you stop learning, then you're

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dead. Yep, yep, yep, yeah, me too. I
mean, I think it was Steve Jobs who

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stay hungry,

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stay foolish.

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I love that one.

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Really?

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Sounds like pure nonsense to me.

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00:05:58,710 --> 00:05:59,850
Henry, there's beer.

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Stay foolish.

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I'm a scaffolder.

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00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:04,530
I used to be up roofs.

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00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:08,020
Every day. You think anybody wants to be
on a wet roof in January? We're a fool.

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00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:11,780
If some boy told me he was planning to
stay foolish, boom, there's a kick in

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00:06:11,780 --> 00:06:12,780
balls in your P45.

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00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:16,980
Join a circus if you want to be clown
wee man. Henry Vincent, there's some

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00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:21,280
No wonder Steve Jobs wanted people to
stay foolish. They're paying 1 ,100 quid

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for his phone.

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00:06:22,700 --> 00:06:26,540
I'm all angsty because Henry insulted
Margie's favourite mantra.

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And he's right.

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00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:33,100
Get foolish with me on stage and you end
up in the orchestra pit. Head first in

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a tuba.

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00:06:37,119 --> 00:06:40,420
You two. Bonnie, Bonnie, I'm so sorry.
I'm going to have to go.

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00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:42,340
Go? Go where?

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00:06:42,620 --> 00:06:44,940
Jamie, at the cafe. She's sick. I need
to finish her shift.

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00:06:45,220 --> 00:06:47,440
No, no, no. I need you here. I'm sorry.

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00:06:48,140 --> 00:06:52,300
Oh, Laura, you are the calming influence
that's going to suppress my urge to

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00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:55,700
drop F -bombs and reminisce about
threesomes with the cast of... Bonnie!

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00:06:57,180 --> 00:06:58,620
Can you just shut her?

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On a Saturday afternoon.

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Well, uh...

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Send Henry.

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00:07:07,230 --> 00:07:09,090
Henry. Dealing with the public.

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00:07:09,810 --> 00:07:10,810
What?

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00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:12,490
I deal with customers of my own.

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00:07:12,810 --> 00:07:13,830
I'm brilliant with the public.

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00:07:14,410 --> 00:07:16,570
And do you know where they poles are
going when I take them down me?

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00:07:16,930 --> 00:07:21,050
I can run the cafe for a few hours. Nae
bother at all.

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00:07:21,630 --> 00:07:23,710
And Vincent will help, won't you,
Vincent?

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00:07:24,230 --> 00:07:28,630
Well, I'm the Scottish Anthony Bourdain.
I was born for that. If you really want

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00:07:28,630 --> 00:07:31,830
to get into catering, these are the sort
of ladies that you want to meet, Laura.

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00:07:33,030 --> 00:07:34,930
Right, well, okay, fine. Oh, thank God.

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00:07:35,210 --> 00:07:38,730
But, Henry, please, can you just not be,
you know,

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00:07:39,610 --> 00:07:40,970
yourself for a few hours?

147
00:07:41,450 --> 00:07:43,350
Eh, excuse me, Hen.

148
00:07:43,610 --> 00:07:47,170
We're a couple of successful
businessmen. I think we can run a cafe

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00:07:47,170 --> 00:07:48,170
of hours.

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00:07:48,210 --> 00:07:50,010
They have no idea.

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00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:51,470
Shall we? What?

152
00:07:51,730 --> 00:07:52,730
Let's go pro. Yeah.

153
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,280
Oh, Laura, these pastries are delicious.

154
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,180
Such fun to eat.

155
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:11,880
I hadn't really decided to be eaten with
a fork.

156
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,120
So,

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00:08:15,580 --> 00:08:20,340
Bonnie, you must have some amazing
stories from your days in the West End.

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00:08:20,580 --> 00:08:22,140
Oh, she has the best stories.

159
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:26,140
Yeah, I was usually straight home to bed
to think about improvements.

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00:08:29,080 --> 00:08:30,940
These lies are eating away at me.

161
00:08:31,390 --> 00:08:33,450
That last one made a watsuit of my soul.

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00:08:34,490 --> 00:08:37,690
Anyway, this forelock won't tug itself.

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00:08:38,270 --> 00:08:42,230
Seeing the kids progress is reward
enough for me, but it is nice that the

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00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:43,390
is on the radar of the way... Oh, aye!

165
00:08:43,950 --> 00:08:45,050
What's happening here?

166
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,470
And here comes the wrong kind of
everything.

167
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:50,450
Colette! What are you doing here?

168
00:08:50,810 --> 00:08:53,250
Oh, we're just trying to be walked.
Thought we'd drop by.

169
00:08:54,230 --> 00:08:55,230
This is nice.

170
00:08:56,910 --> 00:08:58,350
Were you invited along, Laura?

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00:08:58,990 --> 00:09:01,170
Oh, I'm... I'm catering.

172
00:09:01,990 --> 00:09:02,990
I'm cakes.

173
00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:05,170
You're cakes, are you?

174
00:09:06,510 --> 00:09:07,590
Hello, lady.

175
00:09:09,170 --> 00:09:11,530
Might make myself a wee bonnie colada.

176
00:09:12,090 --> 00:09:17,590
Oh, no, there's... This is a
strawberries and cream and champagne

177
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:20,410
affair. There's no... Cocktails! No way!

178
00:09:20,930 --> 00:09:22,330
Are you a man to grant?

179
00:09:32,770 --> 00:09:37,730
Right, let's just do the basic rolls and
eggs, totty scones, sausage, sack of

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00:09:37,730 --> 00:09:38,730
everything else.

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00:09:38,970 --> 00:09:43,270
You know, I've always known that I could
be a world -class chef if I just turned

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00:09:43,270 --> 00:09:44,270
my hand to it, you know.

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00:09:44,450 --> 00:09:45,710
Just start buttering rolls.

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00:09:46,990 --> 00:09:48,470
I'm going to make my signature dish.

185
00:09:49,490 --> 00:09:51,370
Right, where's my oregano, chef?

186
00:09:51,990 --> 00:09:54,470
Vincent, we're here to keep the place
tick now.

187
00:09:56,710 --> 00:09:59,510
Where's my cayenne pepper, chef? I don't
know where anything is.

188
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,250
I don't know where anything is.

189
00:10:02,740 --> 00:10:03,840
Chef. Right?

190
00:10:04,100 --> 00:10:06,780
I call you Chef and you call me Chef.

191
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,300
Have you not seen that show The Bear?

192
00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:12,160
I've not seen any of the shite you
watch. Chef is a mark of respect.

193
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:14,620
When the people out there hear that,
they know they're in a classy

194
00:10:14,620 --> 00:10:15,820
establishment. Chef.

195
00:10:16,340 --> 00:10:17,920
We're here for three hours.

196
00:10:18,180 --> 00:10:21,100
And it's going to be the best three
hours that this place has ever seen.

197
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:26,400
Margie Grant.

198
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:27,559
A mother.

199
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:29,000
A self -made millionaire.

200
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:31,200
That's the kind of pal I need.

201
00:10:31,560 --> 00:10:33,760
No these tramps I usually hang about
with.

202
00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:37,960
No offence, Becca, but Sharon, a pure
love yeast.

203
00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:42,780
I think it's wonderful when young people
get the opportunity to learn from

204
00:10:42,780 --> 00:10:45,520
someone who's worked at the highest
level. Well, absolutely.

205
00:10:45,980 --> 00:10:48,320
Agreed 100%, Margie.

206
00:10:48,540 --> 00:10:52,960
I always try and pass on my knowledge of
the industry to the young people who

207
00:10:52,960 --> 00:10:53,960
cross my path.

208
00:10:54,060 --> 00:10:55,740
Isn't that correct, Darren?

209
00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:59,300
Colette just pressed the I button,
Darren.

210
00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:00,720
Aye.

211
00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:05,700
Margie is a very keen supporter of the
art. As am I, Margie.

212
00:11:06,060 --> 00:11:07,060
Are you?

213
00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:13,060
You know, yourself and I, we're cut from
a very different cloth than the Lynn

214
00:11:13,060 --> 00:11:14,240
Wears of the world.

215
00:11:14,660 --> 00:11:15,720
Well, exactly.

216
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:17,900
We should exchange numbers.

217
00:11:18,220 --> 00:11:19,220
Oh, collect.

218
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,580
Baby needs a nappy change.

219
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:24,280
I don't think so.

220
00:11:24,540 --> 00:11:25,540
No, definitely.

221
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:26,880
Nappy time for Mum.

222
00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:28,420
Mummy poo -poo time.

223
00:11:29,370 --> 00:11:30,370
Can we just do this here?

224
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:34,170
That is so nice of you to do that for
me, Bonnie.

225
00:11:34,470 --> 00:11:36,250
You know, she's such a great aunt.

226
00:11:36,670 --> 00:11:41,470
No, I really think you could. No, not at
all. I know you love doing it.

227
00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:44,350
Such a supporter of women.

228
00:11:44,590 --> 00:11:46,570
I think that's fantastic, Bonnie.

229
00:11:49,610 --> 00:11:56,570
The goal is just to

230
00:11:56,570 --> 00:11:57,630
get through to closing time.

231
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:00,600
Oh, Henry, Henry.

232
00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:02,860
Quality is my business model.

233
00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:04,240
That's my goal.

234
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:08,920
Yeah.

235
00:12:09,220 --> 00:12:10,220
Yeah.

236
00:12:10,660 --> 00:12:15,320
How come I'm not on this wee lump
collage that Laura's made on the fridge

237
00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,060
Why would you be on it?

238
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:18,760
Eh, you're on it.

239
00:12:19,120 --> 00:12:20,540
Eh, I'm her husband.

240
00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:23,240
Just find the square sausage and fry
some onions.

241
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:24,960
Chef.

242
00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:28,440
Go and deal with that customer, chef.

243
00:12:29,770 --> 00:12:30,770
Come on.

244
00:12:37,570 --> 00:12:39,110
Is she okay over there?

245
00:12:39,530 --> 00:12:40,890
Yeah. Nappy.

246
00:12:41,550 --> 00:12:42,550
Wipes.

247
00:12:43,490 --> 00:12:44,490
Not blood cream.

248
00:12:44,790 --> 00:12:47,010
Oh, God. Why do they have doctors past?

249
00:12:47,470 --> 00:12:48,950
She's amazing with her.

250
00:12:49,490 --> 00:12:51,050
Hello, Douglas, my old friend.

251
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,230
Right.

252
00:12:55,850 --> 00:12:57,350
Upside down and back to front.

253
00:13:02,220 --> 00:13:03,740
We should head to baby sensory.

254
00:13:04,020 --> 00:13:05,340
But I'm knackered.

255
00:13:05,740 --> 00:13:09,660
I sang at a welcome home from jail party
in Balornac last night.

256
00:13:10,060 --> 00:13:11,360
Very through through.

257
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:18,500
Margie, I think Vonnie is boking from
doing her anti -poo -poo time.

258
00:13:18,740 --> 00:13:21,040
No, I'm fine.

259
00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:22,320
I've got it all under.

260
00:13:25,820 --> 00:13:27,020
You're having a nice time.

261
00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:30,480
I'll take free myself and make some wee
videos in case you miss anything.

262
00:13:31,930 --> 00:13:33,130
You're amazing, Darren.

263
00:13:34,530 --> 00:13:35,530
I'm very lucky.

264
00:13:41,950 --> 00:13:47,350
I'm sure the building trade is hard
going, but running a cafe, that's a real

265
00:13:47,350 --> 00:13:48,350
man's game.

266
00:13:49,050 --> 00:13:50,770
I could run a cafe in my sleep.

267
00:13:51,070 --> 00:13:54,650
I need a tuna melt, three lasagna with
chips, two macaronis with chips, and

268
00:13:54,650 --> 00:13:55,930
hurry up for a chicken sandwich.

269
00:13:56,490 --> 00:13:57,490
You did me say.

270
00:13:57,550 --> 00:13:58,550
Come on.

271
00:13:58,930 --> 00:14:00,730
What? You need to say.

272
00:14:01,090 --> 00:14:04,290
Corner when you're coming round a
corner, pal. Or I could walk into you

273
00:14:04,290 --> 00:14:05,290
boiling pot. You want that?

274
00:14:05,710 --> 00:14:07,290
Just give me a plate of food to serve.

275
00:14:07,730 --> 00:14:08,790
What are you wearing on your head?

276
00:14:09,290 --> 00:14:10,290
A bandana.

277
00:14:10,890 --> 00:14:12,710
A dish towel on your head.

278
00:14:12,990 --> 00:14:13,990
Give me food.

279
00:14:14,470 --> 00:14:17,650
Lasagna and chips. It's embarrassing how
we are with foreign cuisine in this

280
00:14:17,650 --> 00:14:18,690
place. Give me food!

281
00:14:19,230 --> 00:14:23,170
So little faith in the palate of the
British public that we just fall back in

282
00:14:23,170 --> 00:14:24,190
that safe default.

283
00:14:24,670 --> 00:14:28,070
Serve it with chips. It comes with
chips. You can do your chips. I'm going

284
00:14:28,070 --> 00:14:30,550
serve you with chips if you don't give
me some food to take out of there.

285
00:14:30,780 --> 00:14:32,060
Is that how you shout, Henry?

286
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,420
Are you moonlighting in here?

287
00:14:36,960 --> 00:14:37,960
Brilliant.

288
00:14:39,380 --> 00:14:43,860
Oh, this is delightful, eh? A lovely wee
lady lunch.

289
00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:45,900
Is that all right, Laura?

290
00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:47,120
I get the subtext.

291
00:14:47,540 --> 00:14:48,540
What subtext?

292
00:14:48,780 --> 00:14:52,200
Oh, this is lovely for a lady while a
man deals with her wayne.

293
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:53,760
Pure judging me.

294
00:14:53,860 --> 00:14:58,760
I never... Just because you were a
perfect mother that loved every second

295
00:14:58,760 --> 00:14:59,760
job.

296
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:01,240
Newsflash, Laura.

297
00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:02,900
Some women don't.

298
00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:06,940
And you're conforming to gender
stereotypes by suggesting that the mammy

299
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:08,220
be the one going to they classes.

300
00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:11,400
I never even opened them. I'm working
hard.

301
00:15:11,980 --> 00:15:13,160
Coming home late.

302
00:15:13,460 --> 00:15:15,700
Getting an hour's sleep before I'm up
again to feed her.

303
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:20,740
Oh, but God forbid I should miss seeing
a woman hit her in the head with a foam

304
00:15:20,740 --> 00:15:21,740
dick.

305
00:15:24,900 --> 00:15:29,040
I might have been projecting some stuff
onto Laura a wee bit there.

306
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:31,040
Projecting a wee bit.

307
00:15:31,380 --> 00:15:32,800
That was like an IMAX.

308
00:15:33,220 --> 00:15:34,220
What?

309
00:15:35,620 --> 00:15:36,960
Laura gives me free food.

310
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:39,660
No, she doesn't. I told her not to.

311
00:15:40,040 --> 00:15:43,120
How? Because you'd be in here for your
breakfast, lunch and dinner every day,

312
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:44,119
you flybatter.

313
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:45,120
Too right, I would.

314
00:15:45,380 --> 00:15:48,120
Right, what do you want? Keep in mind,
we're doing emergency cover here.

315
00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:52,200
Chorizo and chimichurri -chia batter.

316
00:15:52,540 --> 00:15:53,600
Don't start me, Ronnie.

317
00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:55,700
All right, I'll keep it simple.

318
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:57,520
Rolling sausage, please, Vincent.

319
00:15:58,240 --> 00:15:59,240
Heard, shit.

320
00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,690
The FOMO of motherhood.

321
00:16:08,970 --> 00:16:10,490
You miss going out with your pals.

322
00:16:10,990 --> 00:16:13,450
You go out with your pals. You miss
something amazing with the rain.

323
00:16:27,530 --> 00:16:28,530
Amazing.

324
00:16:28,870 --> 00:16:29,870
Cheers.

325
00:16:31,870 --> 00:16:36,160
Finally, just... Lovely Laura in the
garden. The one person I know won't

326
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:37,160
embarrass me.

327
00:16:37,780 --> 00:16:39,820
I've seen Bonnie dance many times.

328
00:16:40,180 --> 00:16:41,520
First time was in Chicago.

329
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:47,340
Do you know who I think would make an
amazing Billy Flynn in Chicago? Who?

330
00:16:48,320 --> 00:16:49,620
Vernon Kay.

331
00:16:50,540 --> 00:16:54,140
I mean, I don't know if he can sing, but
he's a cheeky chappy and he looks

332
00:16:54,140 --> 00:16:58,580
amazing in a short suit. I hardly think
that Vernon Kay would be able to fill

333
00:16:58,580 --> 00:17:02,060
the shoes of one of Fosse's great... Oh,
or even better.

334
00:17:03,260 --> 00:17:04,420
Dermot O 'Leary.

335
00:17:04,819 --> 00:17:06,220
Dermot O 'Leary, Jesus Christ.

336
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:09,020
Laura, I think we should get some more
ice.

337
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:13,560
Oh, and when you come back, you're going
to tell us some showbiz stories.

338
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:17,359
Honestly, you would be bored to death. I
hate to name drop, you know.

339
00:17:21,780 --> 00:17:23,240
It's a roll on sausage.

340
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:25,480
Fry it up.

341
00:17:25,839 --> 00:17:26,839
Put it on a roll.

342
00:17:27,339 --> 00:17:30,880
Easy. Why are you in your fourth attempt
at making him a sausage?

343
00:17:31,430 --> 00:17:35,150
Because it's no quality, alright? It's
no perfect.

344
00:17:36,310 --> 00:17:40,650
I've got three old women out there
waiting on lasagna and chips. It's just

345
00:17:40,650 --> 00:17:41,650
sausage.

346
00:17:42,530 --> 00:17:43,610
It's just a sausage?

347
00:17:43,870 --> 00:17:44,870
Just a sausage?

348
00:17:44,950 --> 00:17:46,330
That sums you up, Henry.

349
00:17:46,730 --> 00:17:48,410
Mr. Just a sausage.

350
00:17:48,670 --> 00:17:51,570
That's what we'll call you through the
own, pal. Is this you saying foolish?

351
00:17:51,790 --> 00:17:53,870
Because everybody out there certainly
saying hungry.

352
00:17:54,650 --> 00:17:58,250
Let me cook my sausage my way.

353
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:03,760
Nobody leaves the house in the morning
wanting or needing a perfect sausage.

354
00:18:03,980 --> 00:18:09,000
A sausage as it's sweeping up the
abattoir flare is imperfect for de wine.

355
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,400
you, you, you are the one that's on the
love fridge.

356
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:17,400
What if a me shall I critic was to walk
into Laura's cafe today and our attitude

357
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:20,120
was going to be, oh, it's just a
sausage.

358
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,040
Gee, Ronnie, a sausage.

359
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:26,840
Oh, Mr. Just a sausage wants a sausage
now. Gee, the man, a sausage.

360
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:30,460
You. Make scaffolds functional, Henry.

361
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,400
I make faces beautiful.

362
00:18:32,740 --> 00:18:34,080
That's the difference between me and
you.

363
00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:35,360
You know what?

364
00:18:35,420 --> 00:18:37,380
You know what? You make a perfect
sausage.

365
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,680
I'll make a functional one and we'll see
if Ronnie can tell the difference.

366
00:18:41,740 --> 00:18:43,560
Well, you're at my station, chef.

367
00:18:46,540 --> 00:18:47,540
Margie,

368
00:18:47,820 --> 00:18:51,180
do you find it hard balancing motherhood
with your career?

369
00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:52,440
Oh, confidently.

370
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:56,580
Really? When I heard that Adele was
wearing my make -up, I had to put my

371
00:18:56,580 --> 00:19:00,180
excitement to one side and go and change
a shitty nappy in a soft plate toilet.

372
00:19:01,780 --> 00:19:06,260
I know you're not supposed to say this,
but sometimes I want a day off from

373
00:19:06,260 --> 00:19:06,979
being a mother.

374
00:19:06,980 --> 00:19:08,880
Oh, a long weekend would be nice.

375
00:19:09,540 --> 00:19:10,680
Aye, yes.

376
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:15,960
But don't you feel like you're a
terrible mum for thinking that? Oh, been

377
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:19,200
Well, you can't be there for every wee
moment.

378
00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:24,100
I missed one dance show because I went
for drinks after work. Well, I can miss

379
00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:25,100
one baby class.

380
00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:28,760
And it turned out that Cara had been
secretly rehearsed in a solo dance.

381
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:30,700
And I never got to see it.

382
00:19:31,060 --> 00:19:32,060
Oh, God.

383
00:19:32,560 --> 00:19:34,420
Oh, I don't want to miss anything,
Margie.

384
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,240
I'm coming free!

385
00:19:55,340 --> 00:19:56,340
Well, where is he?

386
00:19:56,540 --> 00:19:58,820
Forty -five minutes for a rolling
sausage.

387
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:02,060
When there's women out there to get
fired into.

388
00:20:07,820 --> 00:20:12,560
Every bone in my body hates this
schmuster!

389
00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:14,100
I know.

390
00:20:14,460 --> 00:20:18,080
You embarrass me, Laura, with your
cringe taste.

391
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:19,920
That's a dig at me, not you.

392
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:24,060
Feels a little bit more like a dick at
me, but... Vincent embarrassed me.

393
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:25,300
Henry, too.

394
00:20:25,320 --> 00:20:29,140
And Colette, it's vile! People should be
embarrassed around me!

395
00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:31,520
Shocked, outraged around.

396
00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:34,520
Sis,

397
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:40,080
I love my school, but it turned me
respectable.

398
00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:46,120
Tay, tay, tay, tay, tay, tay, tay, tay,
tay, tay, respectable!

399
00:20:46,760 --> 00:20:50,320
I love that. song. So do I, but now it's
my requiem.

400
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:55,200
There was a time when this woman would
have made Pasolini blush.

401
00:20:55,940 --> 00:20:57,500
Pasolini? What are you telling?

402
00:20:59,540 --> 00:21:00,540
Oh,

403
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:08,140
where are thou, you terror of Soho, you
sexy, hard -bodied Oliver Reed?

404
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:11,460
Vonnie, you're not actually respectable.

405
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:14,900
Your whole family knows you're a
scandalous disgrace.

406
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:20,320
But you're also a great performer.

407
00:21:20,620 --> 00:21:26,100
And if you need to pretend to be
respectable for one afternoon...

408
00:21:26,100 --> 00:21:31,660
Margie making herself a sneaky Vonnie
Collada.

409
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:43,120
Maybe she's just pretending to be
respectable too.

410
00:21:44,780 --> 00:21:46,620
I think I like her.

411
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:56,540
Happy birthday, Ella.

412
00:21:56,760 --> 00:21:57,499
Here you go.

413
00:21:57,500 --> 00:21:58,500
Happy birthday.

414
00:21:59,580 --> 00:22:02,580
Bubbles. I'm baby daft. I love bubbles.

415
00:22:03,140 --> 00:22:04,140
So do you think it?

416
00:22:04,980 --> 00:22:06,340
I was born to be a baby.

417
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:07,800
A daddy, I mean.

418
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,420
A baby as well, but... Thirst.

419
00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:12,120
Daddy.

420
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:13,960
What are you doing here?

421
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:15,040
We did a mask.

422
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:16,499
Nothing.

423
00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:18,620
Did you crawl or did you solo dance?

424
00:22:19,020 --> 00:22:20,240
What? No.

425
00:22:20,780 --> 00:22:21,780
Are you alright?

426
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:25,020
Darren, you love every wee bit of this
baby stuff.

427
00:22:25,740 --> 00:22:27,860
And I feel like a bad mum whenever I
don't.

428
00:22:28,420 --> 00:22:29,620
Don't ever feel like that.

429
00:22:30,180 --> 00:22:31,180
It's shots each.

430
00:22:31,300 --> 00:22:32,279
Shots for each?

431
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:33,580
You did the pregnant bit.

432
00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:34,840
The hard bit.

433
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:36,240
All this stuff.

434
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:37,480
That's my shot.

435
00:22:39,220 --> 00:22:40,220
Darren.

436
00:22:41,300 --> 00:22:44,240
But you're getting tagged in for the
reading and the dance shows.

437
00:22:44,700 --> 00:22:46,040
I'm going to hate all that stuff.

438
00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:47,499
I won't.

439
00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:49,540
I will love the dance shows.

440
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:54,300
Oh, I love playing pass the parcel.

441
00:22:56,420 --> 00:22:57,420
You're shot.

442
00:22:57,580 --> 00:22:58,580
Come on.

443
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,340
Come on, we'll get you ready now.

444
00:23:06,660 --> 00:23:08,280
Stop hugging the parcel.

445
00:23:08,660 --> 00:23:09,619
Keep it moving.

446
00:23:09,620 --> 00:23:10,620
Come on.

447
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:32,340
That, mate, is a perfect bone sausage.

448
00:23:34,420 --> 00:23:36,840
And this, you know, hits the mark.

449
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:38,960
Functional. Cheers.

450
00:23:39,900 --> 00:23:40,940
You know, I've always, eh,

451
00:23:41,780 --> 00:23:44,860
had a wee idea about me and you maybe
working together sometime, you know what

452
00:23:44,860 --> 00:23:49,700
mean? Maybe starting up a... You and me
are never working together.

453
00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:54,860
Well, I'm glad we did this.

454
00:23:55,260 --> 00:23:56,260
Eh? We go through it, bro.

455
00:23:56,460 --> 00:23:57,460
You're right there.

456
00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:10,120
Oh, my God, Vonnie.

457
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,000
Oh, don't judge me.

458
00:24:12,380 --> 00:24:13,740
I've been trying to stop.

459
00:24:14,020 --> 00:24:15,020
Me judge you?

460
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:18,380
No. In theatre land, this is the
ultimate crime.

461
00:24:19,360 --> 00:24:21,280
I think I've misread my audience.

462
00:24:22,460 --> 00:24:26,440
Now, would you like to meet the real
Vonnie Scott?

463
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:27,760
Oh, finally.

464
00:24:28,140 --> 00:24:29,220
I'm desperate all day.

465
00:24:29,700 --> 00:24:35,780
We all have to be respectable sometimes,
sure, but I think our natural, honest

466
00:24:35,780 --> 00:24:38,140
human state is wildness.

467
00:24:39,099 --> 00:24:40,099
It's misbehaviour.

468
00:24:40,300 --> 00:24:43,180
Do you want to hear about the time that
Angela Lansbury came at me with a broken

469
00:24:43,180 --> 00:24:44,180
bottle?

470
00:24:44,580 --> 00:24:45,580
Absolutely.

471
00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,180
How much did you say this might cost?

472
00:25:11,580 --> 00:25:13,100
Just what I was hoping for.

473
00:25:13,580 --> 00:25:14,780
I booked a babysitter in Leverton.

474
00:25:15,060 --> 00:25:17,080
Well, I hope you've booked them till the
morning.

475
00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:21,240
Chefs are here.

476
00:25:23,060 --> 00:25:24,060
Hiya.

477
00:25:24,620 --> 00:25:25,620
How was everything?

478
00:25:26,260 --> 00:25:27,260
Easy peasy.

479
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:31,000
Don't forget what I said. I need a DJ
and is it too late to book the Baldi

480
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:32,480
saxophone players? Listen, it's done.

481
00:25:33,220 --> 00:25:34,159
It's done?

482
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:35,580
My wife's Bonnie Scott.

483
00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:38,280
She doesn't have boring, fancy parties.

484
00:25:38,660 --> 00:25:39,920
So I kept them all on standby.

485
00:25:48,950 --> 00:25:52,390
party I'm George Bowie and it's time for
some TV I've got them!

486
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:31,320
It's Colette's milk.

487
00:26:39,620 --> 00:26:40,620
Short speech.

488
00:26:41,060 --> 00:26:42,060
Aye.

489
00:26:42,220 --> 00:26:43,500
Some things he's better at.

490
00:26:44,060 --> 00:26:48,680
Some things, most things, nearly
everything am better at.

491
00:26:49,100 --> 00:26:51,380
Georgie, gonna give free a shout out.

492
00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:52,680
Big shout in the million!

493
00:26:52,980 --> 00:26:53,980
Yay!

494
00:26:54,380 --> 00:26:56,000
Between us, we've got it covered.

495
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,440
This week, I've got bouncing rhyme, soft
play.

496
00:26:59,790 --> 00:27:00,970
And a Paw Patrol party.

497
00:27:01,370 --> 00:27:02,990
I get all the good jobs.

498
00:27:04,090 --> 00:27:05,090
Go, Chef.

499
00:27:05,430 --> 00:27:06,430
Help, Chef.

500
00:27:09,630 --> 00:27:10,630
Yes!

501
00:27:13,290 --> 00:27:19,490
Margie Grant, the actual Margie Grant,
is now the official patron of the Vonnie

502
00:27:19,490 --> 00:27:20,490
Scott School of Dance.

503
00:27:21,420 --> 00:27:25,320
She knows a quality business when she
sees it. And the lesson, trite as it may

504
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:31,060
be, is always be yourself. But only if
yourself is as fantastic as Sonny Scott.

505
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:33,860
The Shiv... Of Shaftesbury Avenue.

506
00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:36,580
Connor! Eh?

507
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:42,220
Laura, have you got a wee towel or
something? Because I've spilled my

508
00:27:42,220 --> 00:27:42,779
out there.

509
00:27:42,780 --> 00:27:43,800
Oh, that's OK. I'll get that.

510
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:46,560
Thanks, darling. Thank you.

511
00:27:59,660 --> 00:28:04,060
Can you believe that my ma was just
going to throw this stuff out? And

512
00:28:04,060 --> 00:28:05,019
these boxes?

513
00:28:05,020 --> 00:28:06,020
They're past.

514
00:28:06,100 --> 00:28:08,840
I've set up a little surprise treat for
the sisterhood.

515
00:28:09,700 --> 00:28:11,040
The glam squad.

516
00:28:12,340 --> 00:28:13,340
What's that?

517
00:28:14,100 --> 00:28:15,100
That's a nun.

518
00:28:16,180 --> 00:28:17,180
Who's that?

519
00:28:17,540 --> 00:28:18,540
It's your favourite.

520
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:20,720
What? He's gone down the toilet.

521
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:24,840
Henry! Henry, he's my daughter! I've
found the dark family secret.

522
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:27,900
If I had one wish, I wish I could get
married.

523
00:28:27,950 --> 00:28:32,500
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